just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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