You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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