2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize