can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
