Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
