If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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