You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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