Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
