She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
