Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
