I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
