ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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