If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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