His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
