i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
