shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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