Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
