Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
