So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
