She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
