you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
