for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
