I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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