You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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