Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All the doctor said was why
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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