I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
