is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
