I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
