good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
