I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
