And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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