I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
