What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
