Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize