I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
