I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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