grandma shit on top of the toilet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
