Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
