i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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