I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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