He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
