don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
