Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
