Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
