You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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