My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
