we have pet lesbian snakes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
