Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
