I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
