you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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