he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
