I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
