I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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