It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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