I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
