he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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