I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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