she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
