I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
