i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize