my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
