i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
