like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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