she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
