I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
