Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize