He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
