The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
